sea kittens? as if cats didn't have enough issues.

i like animals, but this is not the first time i am going to have to tell PETA to give it. the hell. up. case in point? sea kittens. that's right, you heard me. SEA KITTENS. not to be confused with the sbux 'Melusine'/mermaid issue, this is not a feline with questionable lower halves. this is PETA's attempt to make fish cuddly so you may not want to EAT THEM.

because, as the site says, 'who could possibly want to put a hook through a sea kitten?'

there are a few things fundamentally wrong with this:

1 -- we eat fish. short of rumours in Chinatown, we do not eat cats. it is hard to link my eating habits between the two. i will not suddenly go vegetarian (and even some vegetarians still eat fish) because i look at Mahi Mahi and think "meow."

2 -- not to mention, i don't fish (as in, the sport). i also don't hunt cats, which i suspect is even less of the population than fishers. so the specific target is... what? fishers? vegetarians who need to go all out? all people who should stop eating fish? the idea is to stop the fishing of 'sea kittens' but the application falls flat.

3 -- the website looks like it is aimed at 5-year-olds. design my own sea kitten? ...for real right now? hard to resist when the link is a cartoon of a girl bear-hugging a trophy fish. yes. because when i go fishing, it's my 5-year-old daughter who's helping me get the hook out of the mouth. do it for the kids.

4 -- and the clincher for me -- cats have their own branding issues. PETA is rebranding fish as sea kittens. if they really wanted to go all out, they should have been "sea puppies." man's best friend. as it is, the cat people are trying to rebrand cats in order to house them.

that's at least somewhat noble. or intelligible. rebrand cats as companions instead of loners to house felines, since they are notoriously harder to get adoptions for than dogs. but fish? i can't tell what the message is that i can act on. stop fishing? give a stuffed fish to my 5 year old? stop eating fish? open an aquarium? ...get a colouring book?

[PS: speaking of that, how about a sea kittens bedtime story?]

commercials switched at birth

view each of these. draw your own conclusions. my snark after the vids.





okay. first thing's first.
1 -- OMFG people leaning over me are CREEPY. and who says my questions take the form of a British wannabe nanny? or a cab driver? or any other of the bizarre personifications they give to my "questions."
2 -- why is "ask.com" in its multiple incarnations asking questions for me? shouldn't i be asking the questions? and those creepy people be answering them for me? i don't want to associate myself with creepy people unless they're being helpful. especially if i'm carrying those folks on my back. that's right, i'm self-serving, and so are you.
3 -- if anything, as the commercials currently stand, i should be asking questions of ask.com (since they're pushing that they know all kinds of random shit), and the G1 should be supplying me with answers (as that's the G1's unique benefit they're pushing).

creative teams, please switch executions. kthanxbai.

revolution, inc. :: how i do.

i've been getting a number of questions lately from about a dozen folks prying into "the girl Riot" so i figure it's time for another edition of Revolution, Inc. but hey--there hasn't been one in four months. i know, i know. at least i spare you talking about my actual life (short of music and costuming, haha).

today i was highlighted, along with the fabulous Alan Wolk, by David over at The Social Path. you can read that there, which he properly capitalized and punctuated for me, however out of line with my personal branding that may be ;) sacrifices, sacrifices. David has been discussing anonymity avidly with his commenters in the for/against debate.

to round that out, i wanted to share with you, and elaborate, just why i do what it is that i do here on this blog. some of you have met me in person and had that moment where you said, 'so, what's your real name?' and i just gave a crazy half-smile and launched into this whole thing. so, now you know:
---

we are constantly asking our brands to be more like "people." brands we can relate to, want to have beers with, brand we could see in the White House (don't laugh). it's kind of like "the consumer isn't a moron--she's your wife" (Ogilvy). how can we make recommendations and bandy words around if we don't understand them personally? see also.

we are having arguments over what "authentic" means and whether something can "be it." i wanted to get at the heart of that in a meta sort of way, to understand more about the unwritten policies being developed like "authenticity" and "transparency," etc. because of that, i wanted to come at this like an art. at heart, i'm an art kid who became a copywriter. plus, i just happen to like (studying) people.

i like conceptual art and post modernism, i'm big on "the medium is the message" across multiple planes, not just advertising. i wanted my brand to express not only myself, but the tensions in branding as we work to 'humanize' brands. so when i decided to write a blog, i wanted to bring that to it--that essence of my own understanding and how i was going to consume advertising as a product.

so for me, becoming the girl Riot™ isn't about anonymity; i don't say anything under Riot that i wouldn't say to your face. i go to lunch with people from many agencies and present myself as Riot. i'll tell you where i work, and if you care or want to recommend me, if you really need my name, i'll give it. i'm not afraid of tying my 'real life' to this one because they're one and the same: it's about craft. the very craft we are supposed to create elsewhere.

craft from what shoes i wear to my punctuation and capitalization usage to my business politics. i just wanted to own my own 'craft,' and i give that impression best in person, so it's not about pure anonymity. it's about the bridge between advertising and real life. "people don't read advertising, they read what interests them... sometimes, that's advertising" (Gossage).

in short, it's the actual meta craft of advertising and our interaction with it that i wanted to draw attention to by creating the girl Riot™.

---
previously on revolution, inc. :: in a name.

branding makes you better in bed.

a funny facebook forward i got
---

You go to a party and see a sexy girl across the room. You go up to her and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed, what about it?"
That's Direct Marketing.

You go to a party and see a sexy girl across the room. You approach her to get her telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed, what about it?"
That's Telemarketing.

You go to a party and see a sexy girl across the room. Your friend goes to her and says, "Hi, my friend over there is fantastic in bed, what about it?"
That's Advertising.

You go to a party and see a sexy girl across the room. You get up, straighten your clothes, approach her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after it drops, offer her a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Public Relations.

You go to a party and see a sexy girl across the room. She comes over and says, "Hi, I hear you're fantastic in bed, what about it?"
That's the power of Branding!

cause no one wants to eat a stop light.

found via darryl here, among a number of other places. i'm not quite sure what to make of it. YES, the old logo was almighty, hella ugly. YES, the store, now more prevalent than before, would likely have benefited from a rebranding effort.

...but...

fruit wedges?

all kinds of random fruity cereals (primarily Trix) run cartwheels through my head, combined with Runts doing the dance from the end of Charlie the Unicorn. it's an improvement on the crashed cars i see from the other logo, but i feel like i lost something somewhere.

maybe it's an angle for their fresh produce section (if that's the case). i don't know? you tell me: do fruit wedges have stopping power?

calvin & jobs on personal branding.

to lighten up all the lengthy posts i've been doing the past two days, i give you a funny: calvin & jobs. you're welcome. and no, even though the tiger is missing, no animals were harmed in the making of these cartoons.

first impressions: agencies gone wild, more.

this post is about things i am jealous of.

i am jealous of the Plaid Nation tour bus. i wish i was on it. in fancy plaid. maybe the plaid i wore in high school. i had some serious punk rawk b&w plaid pants. oh yeah, i'd wear those. it'd be wild. i am forlorn that all the fun will be on the opposite coast. i anxiously await my shirt (thanks RJ et al!) and i will pretend i was cool enough to be there.

i am jealous of 1 Person Trends. i want to start a 1 person trend. i especially enjoy the one about the woman and the facebook status. see it here. and by the way, i do totally use "yrs" because i'm a rebel grrrl like that. so that makes that one a 2-person trend. my 1 person trend: going to McDonald's only to buy the toys.

i am jealous of these bizarre lists which tell you What You Need If... yanno, you want to become a baller. or go to prison. or go fast (faster pussycat kill kill). or pick up a 7th grade chick (hey i didn't write it). how about if i want to get hired at the agency of my dreams? yeah i didn't think so, either. some kind of postmodern problem there, i assume, about the paradox of the assumption of such an agency.

i am jealous of debranding a home; i don't think i could do it. some brands comfort me. i have become a brand. my friends are brands that endorse other brands. we are the entities we project. without my brands, what am i? and yet, i am jealous of that freedom. plus those labels are pretty badass. you have to admit they're, dare i say, pretty.

i am jealous of the good work TWLOHA is doing in collaboration with PostSecret to save the Hopeline (1800SUICIDE) from being government-run (and thus non-confidential). i am jealous of the movement and anxious to donate, help, and get involved. can't wait to get the PickUpThePhone tee after August 1st. if you're also jealous, buy a shirt or donate directly.

walmart's new transparency: hiding more from you.

well, that's just so special. right on the tail of the TSC Is Less Than Direct logo, and the problematic Missing M mantra of Quiznos, comes the 'refreshing' logo of Walmart (note, it's now one word; we're taking the human element out, he is dead after all...).

people. srsly. learn your symbols.
just like ">" can be read as "less than," the "*," or asterisk, often denotes fine print. and i'm sure we all know the incredible amount of fine print that Wal-Mart (oh, i'm sorry, Walmart) can accrue. just as perhaps the "less than direct" was inadvertent honesty, so possibly is the asterisk. i can't think of a better symbol to embody all the cover-ups and discontinuity of the worldwide empire.

WALMART*
* unlivable wages
* shitty benefits packages
* destruction of open space
* non-environmental interests
* monopolistic regime
* culture death
* lack of sustainability
* faux-interest in change

...i could go on. but i'll let you. so, in short, i think the new facelift is entirely appropriate. it symbolizes everything Wal-Mart has become: a faceless, humanless entity only interested in giving the illusion of change while hiding as much fine print as possible. yeah, sounds about right, logo designers.

revolution, inc. :: in a name.

so some folks have already been coaxing me out of anonymity, a leap i'm not quite ready to make yet--but don't let that dissuade you from any fancy invitations you may want to be sending my direction ;) contact information doesn't change. but, in light of this, i've always been, well, a tease. rather than tell you all about me... i'm going to do scattered posts about facets of myself. what i like or don't, what i own or won't, where i come from, what i eat--whatever brings you closer to me.

think of it like a scavenger hunt. or a riddle.
---

so like anything else, i'm going to start at the middle, because it's more interesting than the beginning.

we'll start with the name, because someone asked me about it yesterday. naming is an intensely important thing. naming has always held weight. and still does. why call the "me series" revolution, inc? it ties in with the essential question;

why Riot?

i have been called Riot, in real life, since high school. and no--it has nothing to do with Paramore; i predate their second album, thank you very much. i had a guy friend then who introduced himself to me as Tony Rebel. he had me going for a minute, but not for long.

i adopted Riot as my pseudonym surname then, selecting the word because i'm really into riot grrrl music, a female-emphasized development out of punk rock in the early to mid 90s. i love Kathleen Hanna (see image above) who was in most notably Bikini Kill, Le Tigre, and Julie Ruin. she helped/inspired Slim Moon to make Kill Rock Stars, a notable indie label even today. (did you know Nirvana was on it for a hot minute?)

the movement meant a lot to me in high school, and still does. i did research on it in college, actually, surrounding commercialism, capitalism and the consumerism (or lack therof) of riot grrrl music (like how punk rock was appropriated, but not riot grrrl). "revolution grrrl style now" was a mantra used. in college, i used my name with the Riot surname as my DJ name for the radio station, 92WICB.

since switching my focus from band management/PR to English/marketing my freshman year, Riot was recreated in accord with my views on branding. while creating a story character i fell in love with, who was a DJ, i inverted "the riot grrrl" to be "the girl Riot" (i wasn't big on the grrr, personally)--and it stuck. and so, i'm the first to coin the phrase.

oh hey, yeah, you know--that girl, Riot? that girl called Riot. her.

so i became the girl Riot™. i treat myself as a brand, both professionally and often personally; so, in line with that, i go by Riot rather than my given name. if you Googled me, you would find more information searching "thegirlriot" than my actual name. no joke.

...so now you know.

---
and besides, it's a friday post. who reads those, anyway?

Riot's day in brands. & analysis thereof.

[the brand montage a la dear jane][see larger logos]

rather than do a TYPICAL day in the life of Riot brands, i decided to do an EXACT day in the life. and analyze what all that means to me. i realized in the doing that it wasn't exactly what i thought it would be, nor was it exactly representative. this is MAY 23 08. thoughts below. anything marked with an asterisk didn't have a Google-able logo.

THE BREAKDOWN: AM WAKEUP
08:15: verizon • LG
08:18: DELL • Adobe Photoshop • IE
08:30: Crest • Oral-B • Dove • Gilette • Axe • Tom Ford
08:33: lolo* • rave* • Saucony • TWLOHA • Style&Co
08:40: FOX • Sephora • Neutrogena • CoverGirl • Benefit • Urban Decay • MAC
08:50: Nike • Nissan Maxima • Fueled by Ramen

THE ARRIVAL: AM WORK
09:00: Apple • N.Design Studio • Intellimerge • Firefox • Entourage • iChat
09:04: Cafe Du Monde • Stop&Shop Tea • Domino Sugar
09:11: Apple • Firefox • Google • WordPress • Blogger • Twitter
10:05: Firefox • Twitter • Amazon • TextEdit • Verizon • LG
11:35: iTunes • TextEdit • Firefox • Twitter

LUNCH TIME+: AFTERNOON DAZE
01:28: Verizon • LG • Altamira* • Dickies • MasterCard • HSBC
01:50: Gino's* • Gatorade • Chase • HSBC • Twitter
02:11: TextEdit • Quark • iChat

FREEDOM: POST-WORK WIND DOWN
05:00: Verizon • LG • Nissan Maxima
05:14: DELL • IE • MSN • Chatroom*
06:45: Tina's II*
08:32: Verizon • LG
08:45: DELL • IE • MSN • Chatroom*
10:06: Verizon • LG
10:12: DELL • IE • MSN

GET THE FLOCK OUT OF HERE
11:16: Hyundai • Tom Ford • Nike • Lily Flanagan's • Blue Moon
11:43: Hyundai • Delicious • Subculture • Sambuca • More Sambuca
12:20: Black Haus • Peach Schnapps* • Southern Comfort • Rose's Lime
02:47: Hyundai
03:10: DELL • IE
03:20: Ford Taurus • Taco Bell • Ford Taurus • Crest • Oral-B

BEDTIME! Somewhere around 4AMish.

now, here are the interesting things when i consider a literal day in brands. as in what i actually used and did not use. this gets a little personal, but i promise there are deductions.

1 -- THE UN-BRANDS and their sneaky, sneaky ways: that particular day, i had a very, very casual friday. i was supposed to head onto the LIRR directly from work to see my very ill best friend in New Hyde Park, so i was in jeans, a tank, and kicks. not necessarily my daily work attire. not to mention, i couldn't have told you what bra brand and undies i was wearing that day--or socks. even though i'm usually a Vikki's Secret girl, and wear Journeys socks, i know i wasn't doing that. not to mention, i have no idea what brand of toilet paper my agency uses, nor have i any idea their faucet's brand, etc. as much as we are branded, there are still small simple places. i don't look down and see "Cottonell" imprinted on my toilet paper.

2 -- DEVIATIONS & SACRIFICE, or, Change of Plans: the best laid plans of mice and men. what happens when your brands aren't there for you? so i had to do laundry. so i didn't have Vikki's undies or Journeys socks. i had some nameless undergarments and borrowed my mom's socks. my agency was out of Tazo Earl Grey and PNGTips tea (the HORROR) so i had to drink Stop&Shop (sacrilege). i couldn't make it to my HSBC bank, so i had to use Chase, which is a bastard for charging $3 to take out my own cash and $1.50 to transfer funds. i don't like DELL or IE, but that's my laptop right now while i'm saving for a Mac(Black)book. i wear my Reverie Duel hoodie every day--except that one, because i couldn't find it. so my choices were reflective of my day, not my normal brand usage, and the psychology of pressure.

3 -- THE LIES ABOUT daily brand use: just because i use you daily, doesn't mean i'm loyal to you, or ever really like you. ie: DELL, case in point. Dove, too, whom i hate but it was there in the house. also, i only own 1 Dickies item (my wallet) and while i see the logo every day, it does nothing for me. likewise with Nike (my bag is my only Nike purchase) and FOX (my makeup bag--that's all). some things are like breathing, and i don't have to think about them--like my N.Design desktop at work. i use it, but i don't change it or interact with it, though i like the art. unlike, say, my ugly DELL's desktop, which i made using Audrey Kitching photos. yes, Lily Flanagan's is a usual haunt for me--but usually only on thursdays; had i gone to New Hyde Park, i never would have been there. to boot, all 3 cars mean nothing to me--they belong to (in order) my mom, my other best friend, and my partner.

4 -- ON TO PROM QUEENS & star quarterbacks: then, on to what really matters. what brands am i loyal to that i do actually use every day? what appears here that is typical of me, that i do think of as my personal "prom queen" brands? my alcohols, of course. i'm very picky with that. so Blue Moon, Sambuca, swedish fish shots, and Soco Lime are all pretty representative. add in Magic Hat #9, Goldschlager, Patron, Jose Cuervo, Ketel, and Reyka, and that's the short list of things i'll drink without spitting on you. my get-ready gear--Axe deodorant, Tom Ford Black Orchid perfume, my makeup, my daily tea. my style: never leave without at least a To Write Love On Her Arms button; Delicious shoes are club footwear of choice (Pleaser, too). my work habits--i need Apple, Adobe, iTunes, iChat, Twitter, Blogger, Firefox, Amazon, TextEdit. the real prom queens aren't necessarily hip; just what i can't live without.

the value isn't in the daily use, but instead in what i'd miss sacrificing. i wouldn't miss my Oral-b toothbrush, and i wouldn't cry if i had to switch from Crest. if i had to trade my Post-Its for Staples brand, that's okay by me. but don't you take my personal prom queens. don't you take Tazo Earl Grey from me; you'll be getting a fight. and don't you DARE take away my cell phone. its batteries died early yesterday. i was without it for 20 minutes. i cried a little--inside.

clearly, i'm a brandwhore.

i have so many thoughts about this already and i've only been doing it for about and hour and a half. i've taken on dear jane's brand timeline challenge. and what an excellent day to do it. it's a dress down friday and i have a long, long day ahead of me. by this time, 9:44AM, i already have 40 brands (exactly) written down. i'm trying to be really meticulous and notice every brand i use. results will be posted tuesday. i may update this post today with any worthy thoughts surrounding my conscious brand experience.

(brand, celeb) tags... and why.

so, despite being one of the first people to know/use the new Noah Brier app (see? see? sneaky cred there right... haha), i haven't commented on it yet. i wanted to say something useful other than 'oh, well, that's cool, check out brand tags.' unfortunately my analysis takes a few days.

--reaction #1:
"this is really cool."
again with the "duh" moments, it makes sense that how people perceive your brand is what the brand is worth. i learned that in my second year of college. but it was an innovative way to track these thoughts people have around brands.

--reaction #2:
"this could go really badly."
meaning, anytime you bring '1 word/phrase' + 'anonymity' into the picture, you wind up with some pretty stupid results. but since the feedback works like word clouds (even if the popular words get so big it interferes with my screen), i suppose it evens out. would have been nice to be able to say why, i chose a word, etc, and have those explanations link from the main tag cloud. that way whomever wants to know more is able to do so, and perhaps get perspective on why an experience was great or poor for me. i understand the virtues of the concise nature and the top-of-mind response, but a secondary optional screen asking why would also be helpful.

--reaction #3:
"enter celebtags."
i don't know if celebtags functions as the Dorian picture to brandtags or vice versa, but the point remains: similar implementation, and yet, the responses are vastly different. what does one say about the other? why does every female celebrity get tagged with slut or whore or bitch? why does this not have a way of asking people to think about their assumptions...?

understandably, thanks to tabloids and the nature of being in the public eye, celebs are more often fodder for malignant feedback than any other entity short of Wal-Mart. and even then, if folks had to choose between hating Paris Hilton or hating Wal-Mart, i'm not sure who would win (lose?). and here, in case you're not sure, you can actually punch out the celebs you hate most. ...yeah. anyway.

similarly, people are brands. that's also another "duh" that not everyone has embraced. like brand value, there are reputations and representations; not always are the two in sync. is hating Paris Hilton the same as hating Wal-Mart? yes and no. even as we try to make brands our "friends" and affable, people-like entities, celebs are actual people. this produces very different top-of-mind results.

Wal-Mart responses run the gamut from american to white trash, south park to nascar, affordable to cheap, evil to value. juxtaposing these statements shows the range of emotion and perception--all of which may be true, but certainly there is a range. things that are affordable to some are low quality to others. evil to some is a necessity in some areas where there are no other supermarkets.

yet, Paris Hilton responses are much more flat and one-sided, ranging from airhead, bimbo, and bitch to sexual references, skank, slut, whore, herpes, and blow job. "rich" appears but small, and "heiress" appears once, but even smaller--only one person said it. this does not by far offer the whole picture, regardless of how you feel about Paris Hilton.

is this because you can interact with a brand and you can't interact with a celebrity? i can walk into a Wal-Mart and have an experience, but i can't party with Paris Hilton. does that give me a more limited understanding of Paris Hilton? or does it not matter--i have perceptions of brands i've never interacted with, like Sonic. we get 5 or 6 Sonic commercials by me and the nearest Sonic is in New Jersey. i have never been in one, but i still have brand thoughts about it. more along the lines of "far away" than "blow job," however.

a parting gift: the George W. Bush worldwide brand.

a running list of congrats.

to be edited, altered, and reposted subjective to when brands piss me off.
this list is entirely personal and is not meant to be representative of anyone other than me.

brands i'm currently loyal to (congratulations)
! verizon. thank you cellphone. i can hear you now. (and yes we do say that out loud)
! apple. you stole me away from many years of dell. thank you. i needed that.
this includes iPod, namely, the shuffle. i don't need to know what's playing--i put it on there! the shuffle with all of its whirlwind colours makes me say YES to buying three to enable matching. i can even have specialized Emo/Screamo Shuffle, HipHop/Reggaeton Shuffle, and Indie/RebelGrrrl Shuffle. i love life. PS though: HELLO SHUFFLE: PASTELS?! i would -never-. your spring colours SUCK.
! mac makeup. your colours are so bright. it's like painting. or face-staining.
! i also support urban decay, who is cheaper, and who i went to first. i still buy.
! google is my only search engine. amazon is where i buy lots of stuff online.
! saucony, etnies, & vans. my feet thank you. you are comfy.
! thus: thank you journeys and pacsun for carrying these at reasonable cost.
! pleaser & delicious. my feet don't thank you, but you make me look hella hot.
! pandora.com & itunes. i now buy music. not only that, but i hear new music and buy more.
! many online shops to help me look like a rockstar. cos that's what i am.
>> props to: reverie, i love your "stop hate love something" tee shirt.
(more advertisers need to realize this: my whole age group is composed of undiscovered rock stars who may or may not play instruments)

brands i'm more or less loyal to (try harder)
! friday's. congrats on the sesame jack chicken strips. otherwise i would have never come back.
i swear they put coke or something in them. why do i go so frequently? could be the patron lemonades the local bartender makes me. mmm.
! 2cute for outfitting me in clubwear. hot topic when they don't annoy me.
>> when hot topic does annoy me, i go for trash & vaudeville. <3
and they annoy me often but it's hard to find certain must-have items locally otherwise. just gotta weed through the trash. oh well. i say that with all the bitterness of my teen years when i'd worked there for a summer.
! pacsun, aero, & ae for my tiny tees. you're all interchangeable.
i don't really care so long as you keep making extra smalls.
! macy's for trendy, office-acceptable work clothes in junior sizes.
no, i'm not 'petite' yet, you sizing bastards. i hate you too.

brands i used to be loyal to (you suck for losing me)
! myspace and facebook. sucks to be you.
you have too many ads and try to stalk me too much. i don't want to know what my friends are doing 24/7. i doubt they want you to know, either. at least i don't. if i did, i'd call them. of all of these, myspace is the least of these evils. why? because they are good for music. i like music.
! dell. okay i was never loyal but you were useful in high school. that's not the case anymore.
! at&t. or whatever you're called now. your service sucks. get over it. i left you for your sexier cousin.