how my life has become more like the Sims.

this is something i've considered for some time.

primarily because when my father had lit our kitchen on fire, we both looked something like as pictured at the left. a certain screaming, up-in-arms motion as we stared dumbfounded at it, profoundly doing nothing as the stove went up in flames. only after a good ten seconds of registering "FIRE!" did we proceed to put it out. this is how i came to understand why my stupid Sims would never put out their own fires: they're like us.

as we become more and more digitally integrated, life shares more and more characteristics of the Sims. for example, Myspace Top Friends (and now with one of the new apps, Facebook, but less so). i revisited this the other day with am&a, and the conversation went something similar to as follows:

me: i'm not in your top friends! i am dejected. hahaha.
she: i didn't know you still used myspace! i'll put you back in. you'd just gone quiet, and you know, friending politics and all.

now mind you, am&a has a Top 24, because she's that popular, and she's right: i don't use Myspace all that much. i'm familiar with it, i have a certain friendgroup there, but that's not really my thing. what got me thinking was the Politics of Friending. the Unspoken Rules of the Top 8.

some of which are:
. if someone puts you in their top friends, you put them in yours.
... unless they're really not your friend.
... unless you have no interest in being their friend.
. you give them the benefit of the doubt.
... which is to say, they start the highest they can be.
... i spoke to you in HS, we're reconnecting, you get 6.
... unless you do me a solid and we become best friends.
. you take me out of your friends, you come out of mine.
... even if we talk every day in real life.
... just because you don't comment enough.
... come on now, realty is precious.
. i am not obligated to put you at the same # as you do me.

you could, if you wanted, weigh in your social weight by your travels in your friends' top 8s. which is to say, in the Sims, if you don't call a "friend" for awhile, your rapport decreases until a frowny face appears over their heads. if you don't Myspace your friends for awhile, your rapport decreases down the 8, letting you know a frowny face is sure to follow in-person. so be kind. check the 8s. make some comments. save the frowny faces.

and hey, now that Islands of Adventure will be opening the Harry Potter section, we really can go to Wizard World, too. just keep me away from the magic acts.

ok, for real iPhone? this isn't high school.

it isn't even elementary school.

at least i can relate to the iPhone insanity.
way back when, when the earth was cooling and i was a wee 5th grader, cell phones were on the periphery of our existence. they were something nebulous, though we were conscious of them. more importantly, someone picked up on that.

there were these walkie-talkies in ridiculously fun colours. you could "dial" your friends. they were all the rage. ALL. THE. RAGE. that was what we subjected our parents to. miles of lines outside Toys R Us. only to find they were sold out. but we had to. had to have them! it would have been the end of my little 5th grader life.

i was so excited the day i finally got my teal walkie talkie set.
except then they were banned from school the very. next. day. [sigh]

lesson here kids? yes, Apple is badass. yes, the iPhone is better than the previous iPhone. yes, it's shiny. but it will still be there tomorrow [and at least they won't be banned from work! haha]. go ahead, be the Pinnacle Of Cool and All that is Shiny Status Symbol for 5 minutes in repayment for the hours spent on line.

but here's a secret: i won't think you're any less tech savvy because you got it on Monday. in fact, since AT&T is losing stock so quickly, you'll probably wind up with it on Monday anyway. just doing up the hype doesn't do it for me [but here are some fun things that might].

i think what a lot of this has to do with is people like things to get excited over. we don't have enough space for surprise, intrigue, and excitement in our day to day lives as we did when we were children. some joke about technology being "our new toys"--but i think it's true. for some folks, this was Black Friday. the day when all the Christmas lines are ridiculous and half the fun is the insanity. but just like Black Friday... i'm staying home.

a new habit. distracting you.

alright, so it seems in addition to Friday Felines, i offer links worthy of friday distraction. i can do that. i'm often distracting--and distracted.

in the theme of zombies, you can now find out how long you would last trapped in your own home. or office. or cubicle. or where ever you call home. i'm a little disturbed that they account for pets, but hey. i can survive 87 days. however, i would only feed 10 zombies. you say tomato, i say cannibal. both are some form of human eating me. state of death isn't vital.

on to felines!
let's start with different interpretations of zombie cats.
inspirational zombie cat. postcard zombie cat. zombie lolcat. and my personal favourite zombie lolcat here.

got a zombie cat picture? send it my way. in the meanwhile, i'm going to continue doing actual work, and post something of relative substance later.

get it out. get it alllll out.

you wish you had this vending machine at your disposal.

i think i'd start with china plates, just to get that satisfying ZING feeling i assume i should get from all those old TV shows. though i do wish they had more irritating things. like i'd kill to throw a breakable Spongebob. but that's me.

arguably more useful than vending machine camoflage.

in other news, we're taking green one step too far. bringing it back to hunter-gatherer era, you are expected to keep warm with the berries--err, i mean insulation?--of your choice: Gatherer jacket. i just don't want things nesting in my coat.

how agencies are surviving zombie takeovers.

working in advertising, as jane points out, often requires the master of an escape plan.

i agree. keeping your heard above water requires focus undoubted on something larger than the agency to which oneself belongs. while jane recommends Fox news, i think that including the ironic humour that is a staple of the creative aspect of the industry is mandatory. vampires, werewolves, and Iron Man are more pending 2.0 threats than anything Fox news can come up with.

no, you need a zombie plan.
at least 37 or so.

as it happens, zombies are everywhere lately. no, not in the cubicle next to you--though perhaps.
with the assistance of twitter, we learned that an escape plan is no longer good enough. case in point: kensingtonvictoria.com. i particularly enjoy the supersoaker technique.

my at-work zombie plan involves rifling through my Big Dictionary of Death whereafter i learn not only are zombies technically undead, but they do not flinch at big words like antepenultimate. the next resource would be the grab the nearest Windows PC and throw it in hopes of having the zombie contract any number of viruses and trojans.

in the event that those means only aid in an enhanced zombie virus and the desire to copulate without birth, i will splash the great killer of ideas all over the zombies: burnt coffee. running henceforth from my agency, i will run wildly into the street, discovering it looks like an atom bomb hit. reaching for anything sharp, i will run with scissors to the autobody shop is just 2 stores down. a crowbar is my friend.

by that time, all of these posters will undoubtedly be on every telephone pole.

...and that is my zombie plan.
only 36 more to go.

my first Facebook breakup. there's a point.

so, being a digital native has certainly made breakups more awkward. i know this has been touched on, especially with regards to the "surprise" breakup, where you log in and suddenly you're not in a relationship. oops!

...that's not what happened to me.
i was one of the original Facebookers. my college was one of the first 50, i think, if not less. this recent relationship was very long. it was the first one to be recorded by Facebook in my life, and now the first to go, it's evident how Facebook is changing relationships.

we actually had to have a Facebook Conversation. we broke up. does that mean we unFacebook each other right away? is it so important that we leave one another's presence and, to properly lifestream, we do it the same day?

...or do we wait a few days? to affect our own nonchalance. or because we don't want to talk about it. or in case we do that strange thing where we break up and get back together. better just not to change it until we're sure, right?

yes, i really did have that conversation.
apparently, Facebook is the measure of just how official my relationship is.
[can i get a "fucked up"?]

we Facebook broke up five days after our actual breakup. it was my decision. i woke up this morning thinking, you know what, it's time to Facebook it. it sucked. moreover, what was even weirder?

it lists my ex as "In a Relationship" as the new status.
apparently when i "Cancal a Relationship" [because it's a transaction, you know: "you never give away your heart; you lend it from time to time. if it were not so, how could we take it back without asking?" -- winterson] i only cancel it on my end. i'm single. the ex is "In a Relationship" with no one, but since it's a new listing, it gets broadcast like it's a new relationship.

...really, really awkward.
not to mention if i hadn't Facebook-stalked my ex right away and noticed this error, i likely would have been hella fuckin' pissed when i noticed in three days. and now i have to go text my ex to warn that i did it, so it doesn't look like a jab. or before weird phonecalls start coming about the New Relationship.

but my question: where is the broken heart?

walmart's new transparency: hiding more from you.

well, that's just so special. right on the tail of the TSC Is Less Than Direct logo, and the problematic Missing M mantra of Quiznos, comes the 'refreshing' logo of Walmart (note, it's now one word; we're taking the human element out, he is dead after all...).

people. srsly. learn your symbols.
just like ">" can be read as "less than," the "*," or asterisk, often denotes fine print. and i'm sure we all know the incredible amount of fine print that Wal-Mart (oh, i'm sorry, Walmart) can accrue. just as perhaps the "less than direct" was inadvertent honesty, so possibly is the asterisk. i can't think of a better symbol to embody all the cover-ups and discontinuity of the worldwide empire.

WALMART*
* unlivable wages
* shitty benefits packages
* destruction of open space
* non-environmental interests
* monopolistic regime
* culture death
* lack of sustainability
* faux-interest in change

...i could go on. but i'll let you. so, in short, i think the new facelift is entirely appropriate. it symbolizes everything Wal-Mart has become: a faceless, humanless entity only interested in giving the illusion of change while hiding as much fine print as possible. yeah, sounds about right, logo designers.