is that a banana in your pocket...

...or are you just happy to see me?
--why yes, yes it is actually a banana in my pocket.

[noticed on the Dole bananas chillin' on my dining room table.]
[apologies for blur. env2 phone not the most awesome at photos.]

there's probably no God. christians OK with this.

so uh... the atheists are rocking British transportation getting you to think about how maybe, kinda, sorta, there might not be a God. it's a really compelling argument. "now stop worrying and enjoy your life" also appeals to nihilists, existentialists, hedonists, and skateboarders (the Enjoi website looks like an HRO knockoff, and that makes me giggle).

i think the campaign has wide appeal. apparently so much so that the Christians (namely the Methodists) are maybe, kinda, sorta okay with it. "The Methodist Church said it thanked Professor Dawkins for encouraging a "continued interest in God". Spirituality and discipleship officer Rev Jenny Ellis said: "This campaign will be a good thing if it gets people to engage with the deepest questions of life" (BBC NEWS).

while i think advertising Christianity is lame (and therefore i would have to rightfully extend the "lame" title to advertising atheism as well), i like how the Methodists chose to handle the PR of the situation. PR+! rather than casting eternal damnation on all people who so much as read the sign, like some folks might, they're like "cool. talking point." which is probably more than they're getting off of pro-christian signage. (no PR is bad PR?)

so maybe you should kinda sorta get to thinking about the deepest questions of life. if, yanno, you're maybe in Britain. i don't think it'd fly on this side of the pond.

we need to chat about kissing girls.

found via Dear Jane Sample. click to view source and Katy Perry's obnoxious video.

i am not even going to get into the religious aspect of this. no. instead i'm going to bitch about the song. i'll grant you it's catchy. but i'll tell you why the church is afraid for your daughter's heterosexuality. it has nothing to do with 'catching lesbianism' and everything to do with going to an all girls' school. don't believe me? clearly you've never dated, or had a friend date, a Catholic school girl. sucks for you.

this song is not about reveling in the awesomeness of kissing some femme wonder. it's about getting "rebel cred." even if you don't know any other words to the song, you know the chorus: i kissed a girl and i liked it / the taste of her cherry chap stick / i kissed a girl just to try it / hope my boyfriend don't mind it.

a) it assumes that kissing a girl is just some fun thing to do on the side--while you are busy being respectable and having a boyfriend. no boyfriend?! OMG. you're such a LEZZIE. having the boyfriend element in the song makes kissing a girl "okay." especially when she's unimportant--after all, you're drunk and just met her, you "don't even know [her] name."

b) so we've already got heterosexuality down while remaining cool by dismissing people who are actually homosexual. after all, it doesn't mean you're "in love tonight"--it's just something to do. "it's no big deal, it's innocent." we'll just go back to being hetero in 5 mins. that okay with you honey? oh good. go get me a coca cola.

c) "it's not what good girls do." OOOOOH REBEL! that's right. mommy and daddy will hate you, the church will condemn you, your boyfriend will think it's hot, and tomorrow you can pull an Anne Heche about how 'crazy' you went. it'll all be okay by 3pm and you can laugh about the Facebook pictures and talk about Lindsay Lohan.

in short i think that contrary to opening up possibilities of alternate sexuality in mainstream pop culture, it instead reinforces the fact that alternate sexualities are just a 'game' that can be elected to be acted on--or not--and that we should all return to our regularly scheduled hetero programming.

this does not lift up homosexual--or hell, even bisexual--women as a theme song. even if it were a man singing about kissing a girl, it's terrible. it's too derogatory to the rest of the situation, especially the girl the narrator is kissing. it's certainly not enticing you, or your daughter, to go date girls. if anything, it's trained on the "male gaze" and acting out for it, emphasizing that "oh shit did i just make out with that girl in front of you--oops!" moment that drunk chicks get. so congrats to them. they get one more hit to fall down on the floor to. so rest assured. you have nothing to fear for her heterosexuality. you may want to watch that socolime intake, though.

and if i have to hear that girls are MAGICAL one more time i will fucking vomit. what is that word. seriously. magical? that's for unicorns and My Little Ponies and movies like Legend.

more signage: truth in advertising.

but is it advertising if it's an artistic satire on advertising?
i suppose it is... it's got big logos. courtesy of @johnny_bones.

mta error in penn station; or, graphic design fail.

how many times have you New Yorkers seen that sign standing in front of the train board in Penn Station, waiting for your track to show? how many of you have actually thought about it?

we studied it for a good twenty minutes yesterday. this is what my family has arrived at as some of the possible meanings:

"are you a boy? girl? ...umbrella?"
"can you please tell me the sex of this umbrella?"
"maybe this umbrella will help you."
"might you need an umbrella?"
"bathrooms and umbrellas possibly this way."
"ask question, receive umbrella."

we wound up asking the train conductor, who told us what the sign was actually for. i'll enlighten you tomorrow. please comment with your own creative musings. i look forward to your umbrellas.

you didn't want that finger, did you?

world's best warning sign evarr, found here, where this spiffy author Shaun has a possible living pic of the Montauk Monster as his user icon. okay, i'm a liar. he has nothing to do with the Montauk Monster. i think his user icon is actually two meercats spooning. check it out. he says some clever stuff, too.

on that note, i'm going to go vacation on Fire Island until sunday. you kids don't get too drunk without me. oh--and if you are the sort who thinks "don't touch that" really is reverse psychology for "please touch that" and you wound up without a finger--check out this youtube video for The Kelly Affair with a drag queen cannibal. it's a badass song by Be Your Own Pet based on the cult film Beyond the Valley of the Dolls. cheers!

small town bar supports stumbling home.

drink, don't drive.