more facebook suckage. users? what?

FACEBOOK WAKE UP.

you are no longer about the end user.
it's becoming more and more evident as you slight your users.
and your users LOVE you. and your users want to HELP you.
but you are making it increasingly difficult.
yet another reason why: opening the gate to the walled garden.*
*i will address this further a little ways down. feel free to scroll to the star.

since yesterday alone, when the threat appeared, 120,974 more people joined the petition against the new facebook layout. and now there are even more groups. i was going to link to all of them, but there are too many. i'm over 20 groups, with thousands of members apiece, and i'm only at page 5 of the group search. my favourites thus far are "i miss the old me" and "i hate the [...] stalker layout."

you are clearly making it easier for advertisers to utilize facebook in the new layout. i also get that you're trying to "grow with your users" as the college age kids enter the job market--and that's cool, sort of. it's sleek, more organized, and trying to be more relevant. no argument there. the redesign was not a bad idea. i just feel like more PR could have been done surrounding users' concerns other than a blog post or two. users are feeling slighted in favour of The Business.

i already briefly talked about why i'm not keen on the redesign, but the other part is something ReadWriteWeb points out: "as Facebook becomes less of a place for them to hang out and more of a tool for networking in the business sense of the word, the cleaner design and additional controls make sense." Facebook isn't about business. it's about fun. did we lose that somewhere between when it started as a college networking site and now when it's trying to become LinkedIn?

because that's what marketers are interested in.
[and sure, that rocks for 'us' professionals, but if you USE Facebook, this is just lame.]

*and now Google is being allowed to search and index parts of Facebook. namely groups, discussions, wall posts, and events--you know, sites of interaction. i'm sure my alma mater will LOVE knowing when the next big kegger is going down--if they hadn't sorted it out by trolling the book already. not to mention if you ever wanted to NOT be a part of that ridiculous group you joined in high school, TOO BAD. you're internet-linked to it for life. CONGRATS!

WHERE ARE MY NEW PRIVACY FEATURES TO MATCH!?
you seem to be selling me a whole lot more than you're helping me. that's dangerous for you.

[sidenote: i already realize Google owns more of my life than anyone else short of the government; that's my choice using blogger, gmail, etc. i may not have a lot to lose through this index, but i'm betting a lot of the kids who use it will in the future unless everyone above shifts prerogatives about what the internet is and means to incoming generations. on principle i am against it.]

facebook is threatening me

IT WILL SOON BE. THE ONLY. FACEBOOK.
you will submit. you will use The New Layout. you will not Protest. all Complaints will be Futile. Press 3 to Assimilate Now.

facebook, srsly. wtf are you thinking?

never mind that i bloody HATE the new facebook to the assured point that if you make me convert to the new layout, i will use it less, and i'm sure i'm not alone in that. hullo. you don't pay us. we bring value to you by even being there. why alienate? regardless. this is beside the point. it's also simply tactically stupid.

if you want to make the new facebook layout the One True Facebook [cue "there can only be oooooone!"], why did you allow for this random period where users could opt-in and select to use the new Facebook or not? ok, maybe as a beta test it works, but then CALL IT A BETA TEST. not being up front about it not only makes users cranky, but leads us to believe that we do not HAVE to switch.

even when faced with the idea that we would have to surrender Ye Olde Facebooke, users petitioned and created groups to let Facebook know that we are not into the new layout. 691,269 members are actively against the new layout. but not only that, we gave shitloads of feedback about how to improve new Facebook to be equally useful so we wouldn't mind the switch. i haven't seen one thing really change. not one. this makes users who actively participate in creatively critical, useful ways feel inadequate and undervalued.

in this 20 minute extraordinarily long defense, Facebook says they're listening. i'm just not sure i buy it.
so what i mean to say is, the actual way it occurred gives a poor impression.

clearly, Facebook can operate with both layouts at once. why not keep this? if the new Fbook is SO wonderful, then naturally users will gravitate to it. i'm not saying to get RID of the new fbook; some people like it, that's cool. but why force users who aren't so keen? users could keep the layout they prefer. moreover, since the new Fbook resembles other sites (like FriendFeed, for example) than its own unique entity, it may also lead to further creativity--different skins would be fun.

in short, i'm not taking this threat lightly. and that's just what it feels like.
you aren't helping me connect--unless by that you mean, helping me connect forehead to monitor.

well, i don't want to be you; why should you be?

it's the Year of Creativity, don't you know? well, i know, and so does darryl, and so does greg. clearly, there's a bandwagon. as such, it requires you to get on it. so check that shite out. after all, not only are people brands, "people are [like] ideas. new ones can change the world."

i'm for it. hell, if i can change my iPod shuffle with my eyeshadow with my hair colour daily now (and how!), i may as well change my profession daily with minimal damage to my paycheck. i may adopt a persona and write a blog post from that POV every few weeks. i have to imagine it must be interestingly verbose to write a post as an "instant intellectual." i must first ponder the consequences of such immediate gratification. "ego booster" sounds far safer provided i don't have to agree with anything important.

today i have selected Distraction Inventor.

as such, i am going to plague you with distractions both invented and prepackaged. feel free to respond with follow-ups on any of the following:

--go to the aforementioned website. pretend you're in college again and you must be educated into one of these professions. what're your top 3 hopeful jobs? what made-up major would you be paying to get a degree in? what made-up profession is most similar to your current one? (eg, ego booster E/DNE public relations? you decide.)

--tell me four things i didn't know about you that are entirely random and unlikely to define you as a person. then tell me three things that you believe are close to entirely unique to and indicative of your habits.

--write a haiku in my honour. or a sonnet. brownie points for a terza rima, but i won't ask that much. besides, i think a haiku will likely be funnier.

--distract yourself with any of the following:
> Kongregate - play craploads of games online. kill zombies or save ponies. it's all there.
> Reverie - go shopping. their sale is almost over. and that's sad.
> Bored - everything you need to relieve the ennui, though some are less inspiring than others.
> Bubble Wrap - pop your frustration away. it will always come back (the bubble wrap, and likely your frustration, too).
> Feline Fun - wrap your head around Shroedinger's Cat and learn something, too.
> Urban Prankster - because you want to do 6-story jumping jacks in NYC, too.

my job here is done.